by Coach Shawn Wilson
Since I first started coaching in 2005, I've used stopwatches for measuring runners' workouts or their race pace. On your mark. Set. The gun goes off, and the stopwatch starts its steady upward count. When my son Bennett was born in May of 2018, a different kind of stopwatch started in my head -- one without a pause, stop or reset button. On your mark. Set. And his race through childhood began.
The "conversion chart" of his childhood turns out to (roughly) be:
6,574 days.
939 weeks.
216 months.
18 years.
I believe in the saying, "the days are long, but the years are short" when it comes to parenting. There's no doubt our runners might feel the same way on our long run days. But I have felt how the last five years have flown by as Bennett began kindergarten this fall, which is why I make very intentional choices with how I spend time with him.
In the spring of 2020, I read a newsletter by Robert Glazer titled "A 19th Summer" where he pointed out families had been given the equivalent of an additional summer together by the onset of the pandemic. In that post, he referenced author Tim Urban estimating that he spent 93 percent of his lifetime's in-person time with his parents by the time he graduated high school.
"The stopwatch on Bennett's childhood is still going. It's a blistering pace that we can't slow down -- more of a sprint than a long run." - Shawn Wilson
That post really stuck with me. It makes you not only realize what little time we have with our children before they are out of the house, but how you want to spend that time and make it meaningful. Similarly, coaches can say the same thing about how fast the time can go by with our student-athletes in our programs.
Shared experiences are an integral part of that quality time. So, prioritizing a connection with our cross country team was important for me to make with my son. I had the opportunity to be part of the Spartanburg High School cross country program in the late 1990s, where I ran for Hall of Fame Coach Jim Kilbreth and Rob Wilder. I had some amazing teammates and experiences (disclaimer: on my best day as a runner, I was very average). But being part of a successful program taught me what hard work and sacrifice is all about. Most importantly, though, it showed me at the time that I could "Do Hard Things" (albeit not as fast as most). I want those same lessons for Bennett.
Bennett attended his first cross country meet as a baby in the fall of 2018. He started coming to practices with me two to three times per week in 2019. Of course I wanted to spend the extra time with him, but what better way to support his social-emotional growth than to be around cross country runners? These are the young people I would be thrilled for my son to be like. I mean, who wouldn't want their child to be influenced by hard-working, goal-oriented and resilient individuals who sacrifice so much to be part of our teams? And did I mention smart? As our Head Coach Jack Todd likes to say in jest, "running cross country makes you smart!"
If you are a cross country coach reading this, you know what I'm talking about -- we're lucky to get to coach the students we do.
Bennett at the 2018 Dorman Cavalier Classic cheering on Ellie Toler (2020) Spartanburg Day School.
During my time as cross country coach at both Spartanburg Day School and Spartanburg High School, I have been fortunate to coach some incredible young people and build long-lasting relationships with their families. I consider them all to be part of one of the greatest "villages" my wife and I could ask for to surround our son.
When he was just two years old, trying to emulate "the big kids" as he would call them, he started to run his own cool down on the track at the end of a practice. With the encouragement of the team, somehow he ended up running 800m around the track (as a two-year-old could). The sheer joy on his face as 80-plus middle and high school "big kids" cheered him on and ran alongside him is an image I'll never forget.
Some of our runners have grown up alongside Bennett these past five years, starting in seventh grade and are now upperclassmen. They joke with him, play games, ask him about his school day and give dozens of high fives and fist bumps every practice. Some have become his stretching buddies and some have even become his babysitters.
Bennett stretching with Rookhie Sullivan (2023)
This season, we felt like Bennett was finally ready to join the team for his first Saturday morning invitational -- the Woodmont Invitational with our JV runners.
Everyone knows what goes into weekend invitationals. Bennett did many of the things we normally do to prepare.
The night before, he helped pack his bag with a change of clothes, snacks, water bottle and a couple of his Transformers for the ride. He ate a good dinner and went to bed early.
5:15 a.m.: wake up/breakfast
6:15 a.m.: team meeting/bus departure
7:10 a.m.: arrived at Woodmont High School
7:30 a.m. helped the coaches distribute race bibs, shoe chips and safety pins
8:30 a.m.: cheered on runners in the first of four division races
We had a lot of good individual performances that day. But my favorite part was on the way home when Bennett asked, "Dad, when is the next race?"
2023 Woodmont Invitational
The stopwatch on Bennett's childhood is still going. It's a blistering pace that we can't slow down -- more of a sprint than a long run. As of this writing, our updated "conversion chart" at this point has the following remaining:
4,609 days
659 weeks.
151 months.
13 years.
Parenting and coaching our sport parallel each other so much. We can't engineer our children or our student-athletes to be what we hope or want their outcomes to be. All we can do is teach them, provide them with great opportunities, support them, challenge them and do everything we can to prepare them for the challenges ahead. They are already the people they are going to be. It's our job to prepare them for the path, not the path for them- the path on the cross country course and the path for life.
Bennett asked for legos and starting blocks that Christmas.
Shawn Wilson coached cross country and track and field at Spartanburg Day School through 2018 and as a former runner for Spartanburg High School in the 1990's, he returned to the Vikings as an assistant coach in 2019.